Sick Days

Today I have strep throat. 
So I am ‘home sick’
which means that I am home, like usual, but sick, like unsual

On sick days I turn to admin tasks that I avoid for months, apparently
For instance, today I uploaded alllll of my songs onto my bandcamp page
(www.tanyadavis.bandcamp.com)
It was tedious but I’m on penicillin and chocolate and so somehow I didn’t mind.

I thought, maybe someone somewhere would want to listen to these?
Or not.
But either way they may as well fly away
I don’t want to hold on to things

Today I also wrote emails to dear people so I could let some feelings fly away, too
All this week, I did that
I wrote emails disgusing poems explaining feelings
because the feelings are being like small birds flapping in the cage of my chest and i want them to fly away
Not so I don’t have them but so they are free
let feelings free

that is a motto I just came up with 
it might be the penicillin talking
but I think it’s the little bird
the little bird is actually love
it is all of the love I have in my chest that wants to fly away and into everything
and everyone
and especially a few ones
and especially one

so i wrote emails and i wrote poems that are actually love letters that maybe i will give but probably not
and i took penicillin and it makes my body weary
somebody told me in the coffee shop it is hard on your heart

oh, that’s good
i don’t have enough things that are hard on my heart
my heart likes a good challenge

someday soon, when I am not on penicillin and chocolate and a day of admin tasks, I will write another more sensical blog update
I don’t know what this one is about
mostly, it is time to watch a tv on the internet show and not daydream and not administer anything except pats to my cat and water to my throat
mostly, it is time to let the bird out even though she might land somewhere she is not yet welcome

i should have warned you this blog post would not make any sense
i can’t turn back now
can’t start over
here it is
penicillin thoughts 

xo
t