Some moments I have recently been in love with

Hey, it became fall!

I think of this blog from time to time when I am not in front of a computer. But this morning I thought of it whilst in front of my computer
hey, email, move over
it’s time to spit words out to nowhere

I am about to head off on tour again. To far away Canadian cities like Edmonton and Calgary and Vancouver
but also for a few days in Banff, mountain land! I will be hanging out with writers a lot! Writers who are famous and have a lot of books published
This makes me excited, a bit nervous
Some days I question my authenticity, as a writer. Usually that happens when I have gotten to do nothing but administration all week,
planning logistics maks me feel weak
meek and without the kind of discipline that writing takes.

I remedied my most recent bout of am-i-a-real-writer’s angst
by a day on a country road, throughout which no other human beings were visible
coffee beans and scribbles
cat on my lap purring to heal, so subtle
down in the musty basement for loud drumming
make me the lady i want to date
make more big my muscles
there was a piano, tried, true and trusted
there were poems with no goal other than existance
songs aching to live again
so i played them
i drank coffee enough to make me crazy
so then i made tea
i spent a day alone in the country
to remember me

Of course, country days fade away into city nights and now I’m back in Halifax trying to organize my life
Seeking balance between create and administer
Where is my manager?
Oh, ya, I don’t have one
Ok then, applications, let me fill you out
ok, schedule, let me organize you somehow
hey, time management skills, don’t fail me now

Often, I get in conversation with my artistic self-employed peers
about our love and all of our striving and our fears
what we’re alive for, why are we here

at the end of every conversation it is, for me, the same thing
here to live, here to be
do our work and connect with human beings
be a part of the world, part of the journey to peace
in america they are occupying wall street
this has more poetry
than the financial district has ever seen
may the buildings smirk to each other, sideways
‘we knew they’d come, see’

i am making plans to retreat with a friend next to the ocean
and write words and lines that will become poems
and this won’t happen until deep winter but i hold it now and feel consoled

here are some moments i have recently been in love with:

purring cat against my ear for medicine
motorcyle down the highway to feel independent
dancing on wood floors in barns at weddings

kisses on stoops and understars and in kitchens
pulling from the wicker basket my collection of mittens
trips to value village

my grandmother’s party when she turned 85
a swim in the ocean when the sun began to say goodnight
my sister who bakes me cookies, treats me gently when i cry

hugs from friends from old and far away
hugs from new connections on lots of days
the option of connection that i always try to take

the ones that have my back, my interests at heart
those who have held down roots for me since the very start
the truth, for me, no matter joy or pain, always being the best part

that is all, for now
td